You have no idea what I went through, coming to work this morning. Watch these keywords. Mother of all snow storms. Spleash Unleash. Sieg Heil Gale. Bizarre Blizzard. White Blight. Get the hang, dont you? No? You are being difficult taday, y’know.
Be that as it may, I tried my Honda Civic, Bunty’s patience to it’s limits, but she purred along and made the 55km crunchy squishy drive in record time, though I was a bit late clockin’ in. What the heck, I won’t hold that against her, pooah deah.
At 5.30am, it was a bit early and the snow on the 20 had yet to be cleared. Over here you don’t say ‘National Highway No. 20′. You just say ’20’ or ‘the Twennie’.
Those huge snow plows had just begun. These machines work in a tandem. Staggered, one behind the other and slightly to the right, they cover the whole width of the asphalt. The one at the extreme left has this massive chute through which the screw conveyors eject the snow that the shovels scoop up. In the middle, a large truck keeps pace, collecting the snow spewing from the plow to it’s right. Its a very well practiced operation indeed, like a finely choreographed ballet. And all this at a steady pace of round and about 30kmph.
One lane is left open for you to pass, of course, and as you slink by the towering machines growling and grunting along, their plows clanking on the asphalt, the massive wheel hubs are at the height of your roof. There’s one cop car in front and one at the back of this convoy, both lit up in a blaze of rooftop, side, front and back lights. by the likes of it, this team will probably be there the whole day, going up and down this 50km stretch of the highway.
After I passed the writhing, seething bunch of mean monsters, the road surface was much more manageable, though it was quickly filling up once again with fresh snow. I maneuvered Bunty onto the middle lane. That’s the first thing you learn. Give yourself enough space on either side always. Even Bunty has her limitations and can skid sideways without warning. What? Was that you, Bunty? No, I swear, I didn’t mean that. You and limitashuns? Now calm down,honey.
See what happened there? I fell prey to a moment of indiscretion and Bunty straightened me out right and propah. I like strong domineering wimin. I’ll make shore my next Honda is all-leather.
I lowered my driver side window just a wee bit, to see what it was like outside and quickly realized that that was not snow, it was ice, small round pellets of hard ice, driven horizontally by the howling wind. The left arm of my jacket immediately turned white and the white began to coat the dashboard, then the wheel, the seat cushions.
Bunty began to sway and slide to the right. I frantically brought the window up, she steadied and I found myself just four inches from the highway side rails. At that spot, beyond the side rails was a short grassy patch, now white and slick, which ended in a straight fifty foot drop onto the St Jacques ramp that was winding it’s way up to join the Twennie.
I had barely recovered from that close call and gotten on to the middle of the highway when Bunty once again started wading through two feet of fresh snow, slipping and slithering. We trundled on this way for an eternity, but eventually the wide entrance gates to our company parking lot swung into view. Phew!
Bunty came through most admirably. As she always does, of course, as she always does. Right, sweetie-pie? I tell you, if one could kiss a car I would give Bunty one….mmouah! Now let’s see…umm…what would be the best spot for a grateful kiss to a car? Her headlights maybe? Gee, do you see a subconscious fixation here? For a specific pair of body parts? Maybe, but hey, DILLIGAD? (That’s for – Do I Look Like I Give A Damn? )
No, wait a minute, let’s make it more appropriate…… DILLIGAF?