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Photo courtesy Google Images

Do you own a dog? If you do, you must be taking him to the dog park. I don’t have a dog myself but the park I used to take my son on his stroller to, was adjacent to a dog park on Sherbrooke West in NDG, by the rail station. While my son played on the jungle gym, I’d sit right next to the fence separating the two parks and listen to the dog owners chat while they let their dogs loose.

It took a while getting used to the language….

“Hi, I’m Hugo’s mom….That’s Hugo over there, the bull terrier… Hugo, stop doing that to the gentleman’s leg. Hugo! Stop that! Now! Hugoooooo! You’re goin’ ta get a wallop if you don’t stop, sweetheart”…WaaaP!! The dog let go and wagged his tail vigorously, his whole torso swinging this way and that, with the momentum of the wag, his jaws slack, tongue hanging out, eyes glazed over.

The woman, Hugo’s Mom, turned to the man whose bare right leg, Hugo had clasped firmly and had been pumping up and down wantonly, just before he got wupped. She stooped to inspect the man’s violated leg, straightened up and offered him a box of Kleenex and said,” There..I’m so sorry. But y’know, boys will be boys.” The man gave her a withering smile and turned away to wash his leg in a fountain nearby.

“Hey, how you doon? I’m Lizzy’s Dad. That’s Lizzy over there, the Pekinese running next to the black Lab..Hey! Lizzy, watch it, honey..Hey..Hey..take it easy, honey, he’s a Lab you are a Pekinese. I’ll get you a Pekinese, okay? Now tell him to beat it. Hey, bad boy, let go…I said let go..where’s your Dad?”

“Hi, Lizzy’s Dad, nice ta make yore acquaintance, that’s my Lab, Jasper and that makes me Jasper’s Dad. Sorry about that. When Jasper gets horny, he doesn’t give a damn as long as he sticks within the broad classification of the canis lupis familiaris species.”

Lizzy’s Dad looked miffed but let it go, for the sake of dog park tranquility.

“Hi, I’m Archie…” I’d decided to venture into the dog park section, just for kicks.

“So? I’m Hugo’s Mom. Where’s your dog?”

“I don’t have one.”

“Well, there are no human names here, ok? I’m Hugo’s Mom. That’s Jasper’s Dad. And the redhead in the corner is Pdiddy’s Mom. If I want to call someone by his name, I’ll use the human park. Come Hugo, lets get away from this alien.”

I walked back to the Human side dejected.