It’s just 12 years old. But Microsoft says it has ta die.

My Bunty (our Honda Civic) is 12, for crying out loud. She’s still a fantastic ride. My fridge, Icee, is 10. She chills stuff that need chillin’ like she was born with it. I never thought of replacing Bunty or Icee.

But Goober? I don’t know.

Goober, our old PC, is 9 and works just fine, on XP. Goober runs on Pentium foah. That’s four but I like ta write foah. I pronounce stuff as I hear them. It’s my blog. Don’t make me stick out my middle finger. It’s arthritic. 

I named him Goober after my colleague, Melanie. She told us one day at the lunch table about her BF. It appears he loved to not just kiss her but slobber all over her face. His name was, yes, was, because he is history at the time of this piece going to the press, Goober. The last time Melanie spoke about him, she said, ” Gosh, I’m finally rid of that suck-my-face Goober”.

Men, wimin hate slobs who kiss wet, open-mouthed kisses, slurpy-sloppy-shlup. (A bit farther down south, they don’t mind it though…just sayin’). Learn ta kiss, you sorry shloopers. Start with just a peck hither and one thither, like. Keep sayin’, “it’s ok, sweetie, I’m just given’ yore tongue an annual.’ Know what I mean?

I loved the name Goober and therefore named my PC, ‘Goober’. Far as I can remember, Goober never gave me any hassles. Just do a complete format and reload once every six months, sweep out all those temp files that get left behind by all those humperdink porn sites you visit and XP works like a dream. And now XP is going ta be history. Sigh, XP, see ya soon up there, kid.

That’s right, I give everything names. Goober, Bunty, Icee. I am convinced inanimate objects, even abstract ones like Windows XP, have a mind. I remember being stuck on the twennie, 2am in the morning. Bunty had run out of gas. I realized I had taken her for granted, that’s why. Even after all the abuse (80000 kms in two years), she came to a rest quietly, at a lay-by and not in the middle of the f—in’ highway. CAA-Quebec sent a guy with a jerry-can of gas and we were on our way in a half hour.

But Goober is going to have ta go. Microsoft is withdrawing all support, updates, etc, in 30 days. In thurrie days, there won’t be a single place you can hang a password on, without a certain Well Hung in China knowing all about.

What? Well Hung is a Chinese name, dammit. Like Pee Nile Mal Fung Shun. Now, that’s a long name, even for the Chinese. It’s in the Chinese Guiness Book, I swear.