The English Premier League soccer club, Manchester United, has given its coach marching orders because the team, considered the most prestigious soccer club in the world, has been on a losing streak.

Actually I heard about it on the radio, coming to work. I don’t follow soccer too closely. I wouldn’t be able to follow the game, even if I wanted ta. We cannot afford cable-TV on my salary. In fact we don’t own even a flat screen TV. You probably do. Everybody does these days. I must be the poorest friend you have on Facebook (unless you happen ta have church mice in your friend list).

The TV we do have, has that old curved screen. The screen is so curved, you can only watch the complete screen if you’re sitting right in front. Or if you are Elongated Man and send one eye out to watch the other side.

I have named our TV ‘Dyno’. The LaFayettes next door had left Dyno on the curb one Sunday evening, for the truck that the city sends around every Monday morning, to pick up discarded household electronics. I had waited till midnight, borrowed last year’s Halloween mask from the kid who lives in my house and then snuck out and carried Dyno in. He has been with us since. Dyno is a he. I name objects I own and give them genders arbitrarily. TVs are male, cars are female.

Now do you mind not waylaying my keen mind? This is not about me or Dyno. I was writing about the soach who got cacked. Sorry, I mean the coach who got sacked. Did you see what I did just now? I switched letters. The kid who lives in my house does that all the time and I learnt from him. Folk usually learn from their daddys. In my house it is the other way around.

I mean, the coach is the guy who is directing a group of experienced adults who know what their job is, right? If they don’t perform, why does the coach have to be fired? Coaches of course make ‘judgment calls’ through the course of the game, like whom to send in and whom to bench. Sometimes these judgment calls work and sometimes they don’t, not because the coach made the wrong choices but because the schleppy spoilt brat star player had a hangover and didn’t perform.

Instead of blaming the coach, why not praise the opposing side who might have just played a better game on that particular day? I mean no one intentionally loses a game, come on. Unless he is a Pakistani cricketer or the son-in-law of the Indian cricket board chief. In English soccer, you throw a game, by sundown you’ll be 50 kilos heavier, with all the lead weighing you down.

So, coach David Moyes of Man United is history. The door pear, oops, I mean poor dear.