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 liberty

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Engraving on metal plaque at the Statue of Liberty 

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shores, send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me

Here, I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

Just make sure that the ‘tempest-tossed’ poor dears

Are white and European,

Not Latinos from Mexico or El Salvador…”

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Eloquent words indeed, only the last three lines, after ‘..golden door’, aren’t actually there on the plaque. They were added by me

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Imagine you are a Dane, the chieftain of a 100-strong horde of murderous nomads. Of course no one knows you as a Dane, there is yet no Denmark. You are a barbarian and you are ..munch..munch..burp.. proud of it…fart..brapitty brupp. The year is 9012 BC.

The Pleistocene epoch is drawing to a close, taking the ice age with it and the Holocene is dawning. Above the 30th parallel, the snows are lifting like a veil, moving northward. Those snowy slopes you coveted are now swamps swiftly filling with water, making it impossible for you to remain.

Wild game is hard to find and you are sick of eating dog and horse meat. Even p—ssy has grown scarce. There is in fact only one broad left, yours. Even though you’re the chief and the most ferocious, you can do zilch if the rest of guys all get horny at the same time and gang up against you. You got to do something.

You decide to move south where they say there are more chics. Months of riding bring you to a land that is plush, with rolling fields of wild corn and wheat and you finally come upon this place that seems to have walls made of heavy oak all around it. There are men outside, folk far smaller in stature and seemingly peaceful and unconcerned of any threat. They are tooling around, cutting the corn and carrying it off on four-legged animals with large docile eyes who appear programmed to do their bidding. On their heels run along, dogs that are way tinnier than those malamutes you had back up there in the snow.

You scream to your horde,” C’mon boys, let’s go get us some pus…er..corn.”

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That city you just went in and plundered was the first organized human settlement on earth – Jericho.

The region – the West Bank of the river, Jordan, in present-day Israel.

And you – The world’s first illegal immigrants.

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You have come a long way since you shoved, grabbed and usurped. Along the way, messiahs rose and messiahs fell, ineffectual salesmen all. You just kept on grabbin’ and shovin’.

Around 2000 BC, old Moe took you on a cross-country hike through the desert, crossing into lands owned by other tribes. You were undocumented and illegal, but you had a sense of entitlement. You were the ‘chosen ones’. Finally you told the old man to shove it and settled into the fertile crescent.

Then came more illegal immigrants – the Romans. You soon learned not ta f—k with them. But still, you were the ‘chosen ones’, remember? So the Lord sent down a Navy Seal – Jesus Christ, the first and only white ‘yes-we-can’ guy. Jesus had an answer to everything (except how to kick Roman butt).

He used to hold those Q&A sessions with you guys, like Vladimir Putin does today. Christianity, like the IPhone, was still new and lots of folk wanted to know what this talk about having only one God was all about.

For the Q&A, there were these stooges sent over by the Roman guvner, Pontius Pilate. They were like those fresh-faced interns that the Dems send over to the Republican Party conventions, to snoop around and take pics. When those hostile stooges tried to trap Jesus into taking an explicit and dangerous stand on whether Jews should or should not pay taxes to the Roman authorities, Jesus did a Manmohan Singh. He gave his trademark beatific smile and went into one of his many ‘vague, fickle-minded messiah’ routines.

One of Jesus’s apostles, Mat, used to be a hated tax collector before he mended his ways and signed up with Jesus and followed him around, writing down everything the messiah said, like those North Korean generals scurrying after Kim Jong-Un. Mat was in chapter 22:12, sharpening his pencils, when Jesus went into his aforesaid ‘vague fickle-minded messiah’ routine.

“Can you repeat that, boss?” said Mat (Mathew actually) and then the messiah took a breath and said……

“Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s”.

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But that was a long while back. You aren’t just Moe anymore. Now you are Moe-ssad. You kick butt, Aye-rab butt, oh yeah

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1700 years after Jesus and his illegal Roman aliens, an English seaman named Capt. James Cook discovered this vast land way down south, with funny two-legged creatures hoppin’ around and dumb, passive aborigines with thick lips and huge foreheads who looked like they were going to be pushovers. Once back home, he spread the word around and soon the world had its first hordes of illegal ‘boat people’, white illegal boat people.

The settlers liked to be seen as civilized Christians, so they didn’t slaughter the aborigines. They just went ahead and occupied all the fertile lands by the coasts and the waterways and herded the frightened, huddling black aborigines out to the harsh and arid outback where they’d be lucky if they had even a couple of inches of rainfall the whole year.

In time, as iron ore, coal and gold were discovered in enormous quantities in the outback, the aborigines began being shoved back more and more. Most of them perished as a result.

The lands were vast and the settlers had too few hands to till them. More white civilized Christian boat people arrived and soon, they grew to be the majority. They began calling themselves Australians and their descendants began considering the land theirs.

I am sorry. There is no need for me to keep repeating ‘civilized Christians’. If they were Christians, they had to have been civilized, hadn’t they?

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There have been similar white civilized Christian boat people to other lands, but let’s keep that can of worms for another occasion.

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With the dawn of the 20th century came the ‘White Australia’ policy, a rabidly racial government program which refused admittance to all immigrants except, yeah you guessed it, white European immigrants. But that policy had to be abandoned after the 2nd World War when the white nations decided that racism could no longer be overt.

Gradually Australia began admitting refugees from impoverished third world nations. The 1970s saw Vietnamese boat people coming in after the mess that the vanquished Americans had left behind in Vietnam. The 1980s & 90s had Sri Lankan Tamils pouring in, escaping the strife there and that turned to a flood in 2009 after the LTTE were wiped out. Post-Shah (1979) saw a huge influx of Iranians that turned into a tsunami after the Iranian government crackdown following the failed 2009 green movement.

Around this time, the animal called ‘globalization’ came in and lit the powder keg. As jobs went overseas and white Australians saw that they had to fight for the leftovers with harder working immigrants who were satisfied with far lower wages, their anger exploded. Politicians saw which way the votes would go – toward a stricter asylum policy.

In 2001, now 20 million strong, the Australians simply decided that they were full up and any more boat people that arrived had to be shipped elsewhere. But they could not be turned back to the open sea as that would be a crime under the UN conventions for refugee resettlement, a protocol that Australia is a signatory to.

So, where could they be shoved to legally? Of course, it was simple. They just had to find another nation that would agree to take the asylum seekers in. If the host nation was a real basket case, it’s rulers could be bribed, no? Hmmm…let’s see now. A lawless, dirt poor, illiterate, bribable nation, preferably a place where deaths from trauma, both psychological and physical, will be rampant enough so as to solve the whole refugee problem, besides deterring other bastards like these from trying to get into Australia.

That settles it. Papua New Guinea and Nauru, then. For the negotiations with their Prime Ministers, just bring along a bag of peanuts. That’s all you need, to buy them, mate.

But what of all those lofty UN protocols that demand many lofty things such as human rights and other shit? That’s all right, the UN is nothing but an inept rubber stamp that has not been able to settle even the simplest of political crises anywhere in the world. Who the f—k are they to tell Australia whom they can take in and whom they can’t?

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I heard that Florida hammerheads are talking to their travel agents about cruises to the Arafura Sea .

They heard Shark Tale-3 is filming there.

With all those capsized boats, they have real sharks acting in it.

For peanuts.

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