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When you are following the US Presidential Elections closely, you keep coming across one word very often – caucus.

It is another of those terms that you keep hearing but have never bothered to find out exactly what it means. Well, I am always here ta enlighten you.

Connotations to sex usually come to my mind by default and therefore at first I wondered if this was an American form of imperialism. After all, the Roman emperor, Nero, is believed to have given his reproductive organ a name, though he did spell it differently – Cockus. “Hoc mihi penis te? Ego vocavit eum ‘Cockus,’” he is reported to have said to one of his concubines proudly once.

Relax, I was kidding. I don’t speak Latin. I got that from Google Translate. Caucus , says Wikipedia, is a mainly American term used to mean a gathering of a group of supporters, sponsors or fund raisers of a political party. Caucuses are influential especially in the ‘Primaries’ – another term you might have heard often of late but never given much of an eff ta find out what it meant.

I’ll put it to you so you’ll know exactly what a ‘primary’ is – let’s say you’re invited to an orgy. Now I know what you’re thinkin’ – there he goes again. Hear me out. Suppose you’re in an orgy and the prize is this ravishing blonde whom no one can satisfy. That’s because she has a condition – you can have an orgasm only when she is ready and not before.

The orgy has a motley group of invitees. There are lots of different kinds of folks – one who is a blowhard (relax, this is just a pun), who keeps saying Muslims shouldn’t be invited to the orgy and another who thinks only Judeo-Christians can be orgy invitees. And then there are two who have a secret butt-fetish. They scream that those who love ‘bum-a-care’ shouldn’t be at the orgy.

All these fine folks at the orgy are said to be competing in a ‘primary’ with their ‘cockuses’.

I was kidding again of course. In actual fact a ‘Primary’ is an election that happens prior to the main General Election – an expensive exercise within a party where the party supporters elect the party’s Presidential nominee after more than a year of campaigning and debates. So, if the majority of the party’s supporters are ass–les, they are likely to nominate an ass–le, which is what I expect will happen within the Republican Party of America.

They have just chosen Ted Cruz in Iowa. Yeah, that ‘carpet bomb Syria’ guy. Ted Cruz is not just any simple run-of-the-mill ass–le. He is the mother of all ass–les. The Republican Party supporters have outdone themselves.

Are you enlightened enough? I hope so because I have ta stop now since I feel like throwing up – a sensation I often have when I’m writing about the Republican Party of America.