“And he took all of our sins and lifted them in his body to the cross, for as we are dead to sin, we shall live in his righteousness, for by his scars you have been healed.”
– Peter 2:24


The death of a messiah – especially one who threw his life away so needlessly – just when he was on a roll and beginning to make his presence felt, making even the Roman guvnor look up and take notice – must be a traumatic anticlimax.

Here was everybody, sick of being pushed around by the brutish Roman legionnaires – wretched men, women and children, delirious with joy, thrilled to see a prophet who was promising to ‘deliver’ them.

Imagine yourself as an ordinary Judean at the time. For the first time in history, a form of society (later to be known as a ‘democracy’ after another eighteen centuries had passed) seemed possible – where everybody was going to be treated equally and there would no longer be masters and slaves.

Suddenly zwoosh, he was on a cross, bleeding all over the meadow. In his belief that his ‘father’ would back him up somehow, Jesus Christ had clearly over-reached himself. He could easily have reached an accommodation with the Romans, who, whatever one might say, did bring in organized farming, aqueducts and irrigation and above all – security from barbarians who were forever trying to stick it to the poor Jewish bastards.

But no, he wouldn’t. Instead, with an obstinacy that is borne of a with-us-or-against-us mindset that is so typical of members of the three Abrahamic faiths, Jesus was unbending. And if there’s one thing that the Romans didn’t appreciate, it was someone showing them his middle finger.

They say he hung on for a long long time, overcome by pain and despair, crying out to a guy he had believed was his father, a guy who he thought would be available to come to his aid. They say you get to know what someone is really like by the way he acts or doesn’t, in a crisis. Jesus got wise about that a bit late.

Obstinate and a very bad judge of peo…ummm …Gods – qualities that definitely wouldn’t have helped Christ find a seat in any corporate boardroom today. Christians are right to look out for the next messiah. Now, if only God would send down a more competent one this time.

So, on behalf of Christians all over the world on the glorious occasion of Easter, who are too dumb to ask for stuff that they want, here is my message to the Almighty…….

‘Please Lord, send us a dealmaker, but without the Trump-like aggression. And make sure he doesn’t rise on the third day and just walk away. Then maybe he’ll take his job more seriously.

And Sire, save us that taking-our-sins-onto-himself crap. Everyone I know is getting away with murder, okay? As long as he appreciates good weed and Pink Floyd, he’ll do us a lot of good. Trust me, I know. Ken Kesey told me.