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The uglier you are, the more lovable you probably are, deep within. I mean, this is well established science, okay?

Research shows that folks with bad breath are usually very nice guys and a man with mint-fresh breath will probably cheat on you. If you are dating a man who farts stinky farts, he is your man.

Even in polatiks, nothing breaks the ice better than a well-timed, noisy fart. If John Kerry was a farter, the Israelis and the Palestinians would be the best of friends by now. Imagine just when Bibi begins to say no to stopping the building of more settlements in the West Bank, Kerry lets out a noisy one. Bibi would dissolve in mirth and everybody would end up ROFLing. Accord signed.

Girls, a man without flatulence is probably a slimy toad you could do well ta avoid. The same goes with guys who bathe everyday. Why do you think they do that? Because they want ta shed the muck that they are made of.

To all my unmarried female friends – go for the guy who is stinky and ugleee. He’ll make you the happiest woman in the world.

Don’t worry, you’ll get used to his farts even if they wake you up in the middle of the night. Look at the bright side – instead of being a sourpuss, you could just say, ‘oh well, what the hell, since we are up anyway, let’s jiggledee-poo’ and end up making love all over again.

Many of the world’s greatest leaders were born because of a noisy fart, trust me on this one.

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ps: This is a rebellious riposte to that Persian woman in my house, who claims that I am ugly, have a beer belly and that I’m stinky.