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Lately I’ve been dolling up my bookshelves with little figurines and stuff – y’know, generally making my shelves cute ta look at, encouraging someone walking by ta pick a book ta read, like.

I know figurines and ornamental mugs are female stuff, things that chics spend time with, not masculine men like me. But Sartre once said…”Not only will you find a woman behind every successful man but if you look closely, you’ll find a woman inside every man”.

(Don’t bother looking it up. Sartre didn’t say it, I did. Bringing up Sartre makes it sound kinda offishul like).

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I like that cherubic cupid sitting on the edge of the shelf the best. He got laid off after William Bouguereau lost his commission from Louis Napolean when the monarch skipped town and went into exile.

For a while, the cherub fluttered around looking for work but tastes were changing. No one had the time for courtship anymore. Most cupid painters were outa work for that reason. So, in a last gasp, he fluttered in across the Atlantic, up Gaspé and the St Lawrence and came ta roost on the edge of my shelf. He was so exhausted from the flight that he turned into porcelein. If you own any porcelein cherubs, they’re undocumented illegal aliens from Europe. Turn them in.

Btw, have you checked out Bouguereau’s nudes? They’re simply ravishing. Just ta make my point, I have included an actual Bouguereau right here – courtesy Wikimedia – of a woman, playfully admonishing a cupid…..

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If you have a library like mine, how to do you arrange the books on your shelves? Me, I love ta shelf them just as much as I love reading them. Choosing which genre goes in which shelf and which can mix with which is so exciting. Should Joseph Valachi sit next to Joseph Bonano? He ratted on ‘em all, crippled the New York Mafia with his testimony, remember? What if in the dead of night one paperback attacks another?

Check out my ‘opposites attract’ shelf (aka the ‘confessional shelf’) – the one with the sex books rubbing butts with the Bible books. I can fondle myself as I read Nancy Friday and after I’m done, I’ll pick up the Bible and glance through the Book of John 8:7 to wash away my guilt……

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Don’t you think I am brilliant? 😛

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