Americans kept awake the whole of last night, watching what they call a cliffhanger – the election to the House of Representatives in the 18th District of the US State of Pennsylvania.

This is a district that is famous for being one of the redddddddest districts in America, peopled by obese blue-collar white trash who can barely read and probably cannot write. Trump won this district in 2016 by a zillion votes.

Democrat, Conor Lamb (fresh-faced young prince) and Republican Rick Saccone (jaded old Trump Trash, who once said he was Trump before Trump was Trump) are separated by a margin of only 847 votes with several thousand absentee ballots left to count.

Lamb is ahead by a razor thin margin in a Trump Trash district. Oh yeah, anyone who is a Trump supporter is less than human trash, in my view.

But in spite of this being a Trump district, Lamb (a Democrat) is winning. He has figured out a way to win – by behaving like them – Trump Trash. That’s the only way he can get the votes there. He claims he is pro-gun, pro-life, anti-immigration, can barely read and write, yada, yada, yada.

In America, you cannot win an election by being yourself. You have to make voters believe you are someone else.

The two are vying to fill the congressional seat vacated by right-wing Jesus-mouthing Republican, Tim Murphy, the district’s longtime Republican representative.

Murphy was preaching Jesus and family values when the poor dear had to resign last October after it was revealed that he had an extramarital affair and had forced his mistress to get an abortion.

The Murphy asshole didn’t resign because he was caught having an affair, no Siree. Trump Trash are mysoginists. It’s okay to cheat on your wife if you are Trump Trash. Murphy had to go because – after he knocked his mistress up, he committed the cardinal sin of forcing her to have an abortion.

That’s America for you. If you live anywhere else (like me), America might as well have been Mars.

Aren’t I happy I don’t live in America?