Summer, you bastard, you’re here and no thanks for it. If you had a butt I I would be kickin’ it right about now. For bein’ so so so late.

And it’s just 10 fookin degrees C.

I never wanted ta be rude to you, summer, but fook you, I decided I’m going ta have a beer anyway.

I’m having an ale actually. Ales and beers are the same, except ales make it seem like you’re Robin Hood. And Robin Hood could fuck anybody.

But relax, summer, I love ya. You have no idea how much I like ta see you comin’ around. Right now, if I had ta choose between Scarlett Johanssen and you, I’d choose you. And that’s saying a lot, trust me. I am one horny bastard.

Imagine, I seen you come around like this for 63 fookin years, but it’s only in the last 16 (after I came to Canada) that I’ve grown ta appreciate you. The broads here have better legs and they wear less clothes during you.

So a big “hi” at last, you son of a bitch.