The kid who lives in my house is coming home after spending time with his Maman’s folks in Iran. The Persian woman is staying back a wee bit longer, so the kid is travelling back all by himself – alone, for the first time in his life.

I felt he needed ta know stuff about travelling alone, so here’s what I conveyed to him over Skype………..


“Important: Take a scan of your passport (all filled in pages) and a scan of your drivers license. Upload them to your gmail, google drive or Icloud. Take prints of each and put them in a separate pocket from the one that has your passport and D/L.

The above are just to ensure that in case you lose these documents, you’ll at least have something with you to show.

Next, your credit or debit cards – take down the details, like number and the phone number to call in case of problems. Stow that slip of paper in a separate pocket. Wear that pair of jeans which has pockets all over, with the velcro.

I’ll be waiting for you at the arrivals right next to where folks come out. There might be a wee delay there since there’ll likely be a jam of people stopping ta stare at me. Face it, yore pappy is just so good looking.

We’ll take a while at that point as I’ll be kissing yore cheeks and hugging you and tellin’ you that I missed you. And then we’ll drive home.

At home there’ll be Oreo ice cream samwiches with chocolate chips, just like you love them – well, fingers crossed, hopefully they’ll still be there. I bought them at IGA today and there’s still two days ta go till you arrive. Oreo ice cream samwiches have a short half life. But there’ll be shrimp curry, rice/nans, milk, and whatever the f— …er…. else you need ta eat. (Excuse the langwage. Comes from having a blue-collar dad).

I forgot the most important thing. You are taking Turkish Airlines. Turkish broads are gorgeous, so the stewardesses will be awesome. Take it easy. Don’t get carried away and do anything fresh. Remember, you’re just seventeen and haven’t yet bin told about the birds and the bees. So relax till yore Pappy clears everything up for ya. But if a gorgeous woman wants to take the seat next to you, I really don’t mind if you tell her you just turned 18. I would, if I were you…..”

Model dad, ain’t I?