New Years eve and he is all alone, not a friend in the world, at least no one who wants ta waste the evening, bored to death by a narcissist jerk.
So there’s Donald Trump in his pyjamas, in the indoor putting green at the WH, his mood foul, savagely swinging the ruby encrusted putter that MBS has presented him with. You know what MBS stands for, don’t you? Yeah, that’s right – Murderous Barbaric Shitface. It says that in Arabic too.
So, there’s the Donald, swinging his putt and repeatedly missing, his incoherent rage spoiling his already mediocre aim. And every time he misses he screams,” Shit, fuckin’ missed!!%$#!”
As he keeps missing, Donald’s cussing gets louder and louder, until all of a sudden, the ceiling above cracks open with a ear splitting crrraaack and monstrous cumulo-nimbus clouds begin ta loom overhead (like that scene from Steven Spielberg’s ‘War of the Worlds’).
Trump, forever the unprepared dumbass, stammers, “What the fuck just happened?” as lightning streaks across the skies, bazaboom! kavoorabum! kirivishoom! barakadoom! You get the hang. The displaced ceiling has toppled the spire on top of the White House that had acted as a lightning conductor for centuries and now there’s no protection.
In seconds, another bolt of lightning streaks down and this time it screeches right into the putting green and instantly vaporizes the waiter who had just come in with a cheese burger and fries. The clouds part and a voice booms down from the heavens, “Shit, fuckin’ missed@#$%^&!!!!”.
It’s the same voice old Moe heard when he stood on Mount Sinai, looking stupid, hefting two stone tablets in his arms 3600 years back. Stupid, since most of those fookin commandments aren’t crimes at all these days. I mean, come on, everyone is coveting everone else’s wife and dying peacefully of old age, for fuck’s sakes.
But this is not about Donald Trump, this is about the instantaneous release that comes with using expletives. I am sure God felt an immediate sense of exhilaration after cussing out when he missed the Donald.
Expletives can be demeaning and hurtful but the way I use them, they are sorta cathartic and healing in a sense. When I returned from the Christmas break and joined my buddies at work and heard Kenny say, “motherfuckin’ A, get a load of Sonya Braga’s tits”, it was sweet music to my ears.
Nothing can beat American swear words as forms of expression. They are America’s only true legacies to the world. Nothing makes a point quicker than an American expletive. The Brits are good too, but can’t hold a candle to the Yanks. The Brit word for ‘he’s a fuckin’ idiot’ is ‘he’s a blooming idiot’. Rather tame really, old chap. They say, ‘cock up’ for ‘shut the fuck up’, ‘crikey!’ for ‘Jesus Christ!’ …. and ‘duffer” for ‘dickhead’. See what I mean?
Toodle-oo, I have a 500-word limit and I just ran outa words. Besides it’s a fookin Sunday and I got ta go get myself a fookin beer.