She could be lonely deep down

Friday lunch table at work. Fridays are on girls and sex. I start the ball rolling………

There’s a new girl on transfer, in our department – Stephanie.

hawash,khiwsh, hawash,khiwsh (another guy speaking, trust me, you don’t want ta know what he is sayin’)

What? No, not the Resourcing Stephanie. Thank God. She has no baobabs.

Sigh (Laura, only female at our table, sits with us because we are funny) ****shakes her head**** Men!!

hawash,khiwsh, hawash,khiwsh

Wha…? That Stephanie? No, she is not the Rotating Structures Stephanie either.  That’s Sasky Stephanie, flatter than Saskatchewan.

hawash,khiwsh, hawash,khiwsh

Who? The planner? The one everybody calls ‘Jiggle City’? Not her. Think anyone will mistake Jiggle City for sumwun else? Eric, you must be crazy.

hawash,khiwsh, hawash,khiwsh

Come on, you mean Recto Stephanie, rectangular like Saskatchewan? Where the f—k you bin, man, she left for Bombardier ages back. She’s VP-Business Jets over there.

hawash,khiwsh, hawash,khiwsh

This is a noo one, probably from Global Logistics, Mississauga. I’m checkin’ her out, I’m on it, relax, gimme time, man, what’s yore problem? She isn’t goan nowhere. She just came in.

hawash,khiwsh, hawash,khiwsh

What? No that’s Melanie, not Stephanie, richardhead. Yeah, I know, over here in Quebec if you are French Canadian and have a pair of baobabs, you’re either Melanie or Stephanie.

***silence***sounds of masticating****slurp, sloop**** slurp,sloop*****


Mama mia, boy oh boy, will you look at that now? How does she reach the doorbell?

That’s the new one in Communications Strategies, Royang or Rayeng or sumpn, she’s an aye-rab.


That’s allah-o-akbar, richardhead and she may be a Christian. I think she is Lebanese Christian. Like that Amal broad George Clooney is shtupping.

Sigh (Laura) ****shakes her head**** Stop that!!!****giggles****

Ooooh, Archie, teach me some aye-rab, man.

Richardhead, I am Indian and I speak Bengali.

Benguawrly, Benguawrly, okay man, whatever, go talk to her now, she must be lonely.

There are ten thousand people in the cafeteria, Eric, and I bet everyone wants ta talk to her. How can she be lonely?

I mean, she could be lonely deep down, couldn’t she? I mean like there may be an emptiness down there that we gotta address, right? Are we on the same page, Archie? Come on man, show us your Benguawrly dynamism. ***Eric***Meat-eating***white guy with lots of Tes….. what’s that word? Sounds like an exam that a Sicilian has ta pass?***

Sigh (Laura, blushing) ****shakes her head****giggles**** I gotta go. See ya.


Time ta leave, we break up. Laura doesn’t leave because the conversation gets outa hand. In North American lunch tables, conversations always get outa hand.

That’s what I love about North America.

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