Wish I was a wise guy


Today is May 25 and it was +6˚ outside, early in the morning. -1˚, if you factor in the wind chill. There has been incessant freezing rain since daybreak. Snow was forecast late in the afternoon over Tremblant, outside Montreal. It might have snowed. With most cars already having switched back to all-season tires, the highways are death traps right now, unless you happen to be a highly skilled driver like me and you have Bunty, my Honda Civic, as your car.

Meanwhile, if you happen to notice Al Gore, please, will you do something for me? Wring his neck? I’ll pay you anything you ask, I swear. The $250 million that he has suckered out of organizations the world over, he needs to refund. Receding arctic glaciers, my ass. The only thing that should recede is Al Gore, from our collective consciousness. The condescending, patronizing, uppity, prudish SO-. If I hear anyone even utter global warming, I’ll explode. Scarlett Johanssen is in the list of exempted personnel who can utter global warming. She can say anything. Only if she has nothing on, of course.

I want ta tell Al, “Geerara here!”

That’s the Yank way of saying ‘Get out of here’. ‘Geerara here!’ An American will use it for any and all sorts of sentiments. For instance, when you say something that astonishes someone, he’ll say…geerara here! (meaning ‘oh yeah? Really?’). Or if you ask an impossible favor of someone, like lending you his brand new F150 with monster wheels, he’ll go…..Geeeeeerara here! (no way, forget it, take a hike). When a blonde with big tits shows up at your front door and proposes to satisfy you any way you wish, you stammer……..Gggggeeeeeeeerara here! (yyyyou ssssserious?). Your neighbor lent you his lawn mower and you express your undying gratitude, he’ll grunt…….C’mon, geerara here (with a frowning smile). You’re at this formal black tie/tux occasion and you notice someone with his fly open and decide to inform him of it, he’ll hiss……..no shit, geerara here (I was tryin’ ta get that broad’s ‘ttenshun). You show off your brand new Harley Davidson 2100cc monster with 2000watt stereo, GPS, camp trailer and blonde to your pal, he’ll bug out………geeerara m—er f—in’ here! (cool bike, dude).

What? You grabbed Al and wrung his neck? Geerara here! (thrilled)

Now, before I forget what I’d started this piece for, it was a book that I actually read for a change, ‘The way of the wise guy’ by FBI Special Agent, Joseph D. Pistone, who worked under cover in the mob and almost became a ‘made man’, which requires that you “make your bones” by murdering at the behest of your mob bosses. The true story of his successful infiltration into the Bonanno crime family of New York is immortalized in the movie from his first book ‘Donnie Brasco’ (Johnny Depp/Al Pacino).

Pistone’s 6 years at the heart of one of the biggest and most ruthless crime families in America of the 1970s and the close relationships that he formed within, gave the FBI an unprecedented insight into the dark underbelly of the mob and more specifically, the personality of a mobster, sort of like a day in the life of a gangster- what they ate, what they wore, the slang they used in their speech, how they killed and the taboos in their line of work, all revealed in a racy writing style that is by turns revolting, humorous, chilling and compelling.

At one point, a fellow agent asks him after listening to hours of tape,” What’s ‘fuggetaboutit’? and Pistone explains how the term was used by Mafioso to express happiness, awe, anger, disgust, fear, greed, hunger…virtually, any kind of reaction. The book enables you to recognize the species called the gangster, understand his habits and to stay out of his way. You might think that this is just another book on the mafia. Believe me, it isn’t. The fact that Pistone is the only law enforcement officer who was able to successfully carry out a deep cover, long-term infiltration into the highest echelons of organized crime for six long years and live to tell the tale, speaks for itself.

Pistone appears enthralled by the gangsters that he virtually lived together with, though he does not try to glamorize them. They seemed like no one he had every met before on the outside. They were who they were and never offered any apologies.

“The fact is,” Pistone writes, “most people don’t have the stomach for confrontation that wise guys have. Wise guys are absolutely unafraid to confront people, even if they know they are dead wrong about something. For wise guys, a wrong can be turned into a right simply by arguing your point loudly and forcefully. The value of getting in someone’s face and knocking them off-balance cannot be overstated. Wise guys know this, they understand the currency of fear.”

Definitely a page turner. Fuggetaboutit. Try it and if you don’t like it…….my money back.


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